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Oh, That Caffeine
I'm Back!!!
We're Not in Frederick Anymore
A New Guest Blogger--Dana Mentink
I'm on Vacation
P.G. Man Makes Lunchtime Safe Again
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11-02-06
PG
Man. . .Makes Lunchtime Safe Again
Once again,
I’d like to welcome my guest blogger, PG Man.
Enjoy!
I have this, um, friend. Let's call him Paul.
Paul is, by every definition you can think of, NOT a handyman. His
poor wife had only a small inkling of the depths of his
non-handiness skills when she agreed to marry him. However, over
time they've worked out a fairly good arrangement (at least better
than fighting). He is very good at reading directions and she is
very good at everything else. So, when they need to do a project, he
opens the box, reads the directions through, organizes everything,
and then as she does the work he tells her what the next thing is to
do and hands her the parts and tools.
Thinking he could handle smaller tasks, she asked him to mow the
yard. Well, it turns out that his DNA contains a rare gene that
inhibits the ability to start mowers, even those with keys to start
electrically. She has told him time and time again that the trick is
to push in the little red button (she calls it a primer) three times
before starting. He tries and tries but can't get it started. She'll
come out and start it on the first try.
So over this last weekend, she left the house to go take care of
some things, and left him to mow the yard. As you would guess, he
tried and tried (pushing the little red button three times, trying
to start, wait a bit, push three times, etc.) but it wouldn't start.
After a while, his fifteen-year-old daughter came out. She pushed
the button three times, turned the key and the engine roared to
life. Obviously the mower-starting gene is passed down through the
mother's side of the family.
So, Paul finished the front yard and turned off the mower before
heading inside to rest for a few minutes and get a drink of water.
After a few minutes he went back out, and of course couldn't get the
mower started. Heading back in to get his daughter, he realized she
had just stepped into the shower, so he sat down to wait (we all
know how long that can take!) The doorbell rang. His
next-door-neighbor was at the door. He had recently moved in, and
built a shed in their back yard, fixed everything wrong with the
house, and generally proved that he was Mr. Fix-It. Paul opened the
door.
"Hi, neighbor! I heard you having trouble starting your mower. You
are welcome to use mine if you'd like!"
"Um, well, thanks, but my mower is fine. I just can't ever get it
started. My wife and daughter know the trick. My wife is out, but my
daughter will be down soon. She'll get the mower started and I'll be
set. But thanks for the offer."
The neighbor left, obviously befuddled and bewildered, wondering
what kind of nimrod he moved in next to.
You can guess the end of the story. The daughter got finished with
her shower, got dressed, came down and started the mower, and Paul
mowed the back yard.
Paul has learned to laugh at these things and accept himself (with
only minor recriminations) because he is good at other things, like
using words such as recriminations. I agree with him in saying,
concentrate on your strengths, acknowledge your weaknesses, and do
what you can.
Thanks PG Man!
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11-06-06
I Am On Vacation
I’m on a
break
I will not blog
Just write this poem
Lift weights and jog
My daughter’s home
Is really great
We’re having fun
We stay up late
We play loud music
Laugh and eat
Sing and dance
It’s really neat.
Okay, that’s a really bad poem, but, hey, it’s something. I’m in
Virginia Beach, visiting my daughter. We’re relaxing. We’re actually
eating mostly things that are good for us—no chocolate. We’re also
using the apartment complex’s exercise room each day.
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11-12-06
A New Guest
Blogger--Dana Mentink
I’m still
away from home, but I didn’t want to skip another blog. So, today,
I’m welcoming a very special guest blogger—Dana Mentink. I met Dana
at the ACFW Conference in Dallas, and we hit it off immediately. In
fact, you could say we hit and bounced off of each other. Non-stop
laughing from the first hello. She generously agreed to write a
guest blog for me. Unfortunately, I’m not home, so I can’t add a
picture to my website (I’m without FrontPage). So, check out her
website:
http://www.danamentink.com/ . She is absolutely adorable.
This log is about writing, but her advice can be applied to anything
any of us do. THANKS
DANA!!!!
Dana’s Top Three
Writing Tips
Hello all. I am an extremely famous person in my own mind, so I’m
sure you are all waiting with baited breath to hear my writing tips.
What qualifies me to dispense tips? Other than my Legend in My Own
Mind status? Well, I guess it’s because I have a toe in the print
world (Barbour Books) and one in the cyber world (The Wild Rose
Press.) I also write for Pockets, Appleseeds and Primary Treasures
magazines. That means my mind is running in many directions which is
dangerous for someone with lots of empty spaces in the old mental
parking lot. I’ve come up with my patented system to actually finish
great works of literary genius. Here are my Top Three.
One: Sit those
cupcakes in the chair!
I know, I know. You’re a busy person. Me too. I have two little
girls, one dog with social anxiety problems and two Girl Scout
troops to run. Not to mention, I have this little problem with ADD.
What was I saying? Ah yes. Plant the old posterior in the chair and
make yourself type. I accomplish this by the use of that amazing
piece of technology, the timer. I set it for whatever time element
seems appropriate and I don’t get out of my chair (unless there’s a
fire) until it goes off. I don’t answer e-mail or phone calls during
that time either. If you want to write, you’ve got to treat it like
a business because that’s what it is. You don’t skip work because
you don’t feel like it, right? Don’t answer that.
Two: Multi Task,
baby.
Did I mention I have ADD? Very often this means I get BORED
writing one thing, especially big nasty full length novels. I tackle
this problem by writing a few things at a time, especially non
fiction. When I write myself into a corner or just can’t stand the
piece I’m working on, I switch gears to something else. I use a
calendar to keep track of what my writing goals are for each month.
That keeps me from getting off on a tangent. Did you ever notice how
tangent sounds like tangerines? I love tangerines, especially the
little clementines you get in the winter. What was I saying?
Three: Hedge Your
Bets
There’s nothing worse than mailing off a piece and waiting
months before you get a big fat REJECTION! Believe me, I know, I
have a binder full of them. Here’s a way to temper that
disappointment. Send out at least five proposals at a time. This is
easy for me as I write lots of short non fiction along with those
hulking novels. I get just as excited when someone buys a short
article as I do for the longer jobbies. Conversely, when I get a
rejection, it isn’t as painful because I still have four more pieces
out there that may be snapped up by happy little editors at any
moment.
So there you have it. Are those some good tips or what? The most
important thing I can say to encourage the budding writer is to
start thinking of yourself as a professional. Put in the time, send
out plenty of proposals and don’t give up. As a writer friend of
mine says…Chin up! Best pencil forward!
Dana Mentink
www.danamentink.com
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11-19-06
We're Not in Frederick
Anymore
Okay. I’m
still at Elizabeth’s house at Virginia Beach.
You’ve stayed there a
long time, you say.
Yes, I
answer.
Two weeks so far. And I won’t be going home until next weekend. Do
the math. That’s three weeks.
But, there’s method to my madness. For one thing, this is the first
time that Elizabeth and I have had time alone together in over three
years—since she got married. Her husband, Kyle, is out to sea. He’s
due back on December 6th.
So, we’ve been having a. . .er. . .good time. Let’s see. A one
bedroom apartment. One small dog. Two little parrots that shriek—a
lot. The ONE bathroom is in the master bedroom. I’m sleeping on the
dining room floor on an air mattress. I’m making dinner every night.
I write every day while Elizabeth is at work. And I’m babysitting
the dog.
Hmmm. Is this better than being home?
Well, yes. Because it’s different.
For one thing, I go to the apartment complex exercise room every
day. They all know me over there now. And when I arrive, the office
staff turns on the air conditioner. That’s because I sweat. Badly.
By the time I leave, I’m dripping. For real.
The exercise room has a treadmill, a recumbent bike, an elliptical
machine, and a weight machine. I use the treadmill, bike, and
weights. I love the exercise room. It’s all decorated in green,
which is a very peaceful color.
Treadmills are interesting. And not to be messed with. In fact,
here’s a warning. DO NOT DO MUPPET IMITATIONS WHILE USING A
TREADMILL. I was entertaining Elizabeth with my Miss Piggy imitation
and almost got thrown.
So, why am I staying another week? To help Elizabeth with
Thanksgiving. She is hosting a thanksgiving dinner for her Navy
buddies who don’t have family nearby. She’s never cooked a turkey
before. I’m going to help. What’s a mother for, anyway?
That’s my report from Virginia Beach. I’m here for another week.
I’ll try to think of some clever exploit to write about on
Wednesday.
And I have pictures. Unfortunately, given the fact that I’m not at
home with my regular computer programs, I can’t post them right now.
I’ll do them next Sunday.
Meantime, I think I might go walk the dog. On city streets. With
lots of cars. I’m definitely not at home anymore.
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11-26-06
I'm
Back!!!
Well, I have
returned home. I had a wonderful time at Elizabeth’s, but it’s also
good to be in my own house.
Here is a picture of the two of us.
I do have a huge problem, though. The air mattress I slept on at her
apartment was more comfortable than my bed. Even though the air
mattress was on the dining room floor (one-bedroom apartment) and
when I got out of bed, I risked banging my head on the chandelier.
I’m not sure how to remedy this.
Now, I’m back to responsibility. Like, I have more clothes to choose
from than just one suitcase full.
And I won’t be getting up in the morning and asking myself two
questions: Do I write first or exercise first? Now, it’s, do I clean
or do laundry or write or exercise or run errands or call someone or
. . . . .)
And I already miss the exercise room at Elizabeth’s apartment
complex. Really, really badly. Having everything in one place is
awesome. I even started lifting weights. However, I did conclude
that imitating Muppets and Hobbits while running on a treadmill
isn’t wise. I nearly got thrown. Guess I can’t do two things at
once.
I learned some new things while I was there. Like, how to text
message on my cell phone. And the difference between techno and
alternative music. I also decided that shopping at Elizabeth’s
Walmart is the equivalent of walking two miles. I’ve never been in a
store that big before.
So, my blog posts will be back to normal now. Life will get back
into a routine. But I miss Elizabeth.
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11-29-06
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